Let’s talk about failure
Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
I’ve been thinking about that famous Thomas Edison quote. That quote is viewed in terms of having a lot of attempts before getting to product market fit (“PMF”) for a specific product or service. However, there’s something grander about having lots of personal failed attempts in order to get to a PMF for your life.
So, here’s to celebrating failure. Failure is not a hot topic in hustle culture. It’s also a tough one in terms of ego and pride. There’s a feeling that if you failed once in the past, you’ll fail again in the future. In this post, I want to reflect on some of my biggest failures and share how they helped me achieve success later on.
My first startup
I hardly ever talk about my first startup failure, but it was the seed that lay the groundwork for my future entrepreneurial ambitions.
While at Wharton getting my MBA, I decided to try my hand at startups. I remember thinking that the first thing I need to do is put together a business plan. When I look back, I think, how adorable, a business plan. I know now that is the least of one’s worries when starting a company. But back then, I was terrified. Putting together a business plan felt like jumping from one building to the next knowing that a misstep would be deadly.
There’s a numbness I’ve gained from making so many of these unknown and seemingly death defying first steps. At this point, I know that one way or another I’m going to land on my feet. But back then, I didn’t know that.
Here’s the kicker: The business was a Hispanic dating site called QuieroLatino.
Why did a Soviet Jewish immigrant start a Hispanic dating site? I can explain, but in the end it doesn’t matter. What I remember is feeling shame from the laughter.
These days, I don’t get embarrassed. As a co-founder of Hims, there were those who wanted to shame me for starting a company dealing with such taboo topics as erectile disfunction or discredit me for not being doctor. The same thing happens with Dutch. I get dismissed for not being a veterinarian and not being enough of an expert to build this business. My skin is too thick for that to throw me off.
I’ll spare the details, but in the end QuieroLatino failed massively. Coming out of that experience, I realized that in order to succeed as an entrepreneur, I would need to build my network of investors and talent, I would need to learn from other entrepreneurs and that I love the startup world.
After QuieroLatino, I spent two decades working for early stage startups, building my network and learning from other builders. I’ve learned so many must-dos and probably even more don’t-do and every lesson has been utilized as I’ve started Dutch.
Getting fired
I have been fired 3 times in my life. Each time it happened, my wife and I were either about to have a baby in a few months or just had a baby a few months prior. Maybe I should point out I have three children, so it’s not hard to remember the year each of these firings happened. The first firing was the toughest and by the time of the third, it felt routine.
The first layoff happened in cold blood. It was right before Christmas with a baby three months away. As an aside, the cash cost of having a baby in San Francisco at that time was about $100,000.
Here we were, about to become parents, with no money and no insurance. I took a job in the nick of time, but with a steep pay and title cut, at another startup. Really, I just needed the insurance. This was the ultimate survival play and a lot of humble pie.
Between my refugee experience and moments like this, I’ve learned what it’s like to lose everything and still be focused and determined to persevere. I’m not afraid to fail. When I have to go through legislative fights to change telemedicine laws or go up against some unscrupulous actor, there’s only upside.
The third time I was laid off, I had just come back from “paternity leave”, which happened to be the week of Christmas that everyone else also had off. It was a low point in my life. I had 3 kids. I was 36 years old, which is twice as old in startup years. I remember my wife and I having to evaluate the startup environment and whether I belonged in it. In my gut, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I loved the hustle of startups. I loved creating and building.
A month later, I heard of an opportunity to join Atomic, which was the startup incubator where I ultimately ended up being a co-founder of Hims. This was the definition of the quote that “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”
The sum total of my failures from the past had taught me to hustle and gave me the thick skin to make the most of an opportunity, which is now a multi-billion dollar public company that I helped start. It was an overnight success twenty years in the making. If this sounds like Happily Ever After, let me be clear, it was far more complicated. More on that next week…